Walking in a Walmart Wonderland

As an homage to the recently retired David Letterman, please allow me to present The Top Ten Things that Happened to Us at Walmart Today:

10. An overzealous “greeter” telling my children he was going to “take them home,” eliciting tears from my 1 yo and moving my 3 yo to inquire if he was, in fact, “a bad guy.”

9. Hearing 3 store associates in the next aisle discuss responsibility and team leadership by preceding every noun and verb with the all-purpose eff-ing adjective. In the toy department.

8. Being admonished for letting my children get into the cart.

7. Being admonished for letting them get out of the cart.

6. Quickly and none-too-discretely putting a diaper on said 3 yo in the Home Improvement Section due to a bathroom emergency (his) and poor planning (mine).

5. Q (3) asking “Do you have money for all this, Mom? Because I don’t.”

4. V (1) falling in unrequited love with a certain stack of hand towels resulting in a scene rivaled only by Madame Butterfly.

3. An elderly woman holding up parking lot traffic to repeatedly, pointedly and sternly advise me to “be their parent, NOT their friend!”

2. Completely forgetting more than five times WHICH Walmart location I was currently in…

And the number one thing my littles and I experienced in Walmart today was….

1. The unique and acute moral degradation of actually being in a Walmart.

*Reprinted from Facebook May 2015, Sarah Workman Checcone